Video - Ellie Adds?

We're not sure what's going on here. Yesterday, Chris briefly went over adding with Ellie - teaching her how to use her fingers to add numbers. Today, I asked her a few addition problems to see if she remembered the concept and she got them right. So then I asked her all the iterations of adding 1 through 5, and she got them all right - THREE TIMES! I dont know if she somehow memorized the answers or what, but she knows them!

Video - Kevin Saying Da-da

Video - Kevin's First Meal

This is from about 1 month ago! It's a little long, but in the first few seconds, Ellie's first appearance is really funny!

Video - Ellie Interview

Honesty is the Best Policy

Ellie: "Mommy, are you hungry?"
Mommy: "No, I'm full. We just ate lunch."
Ellie: "Let me see your tummy." Lifts my shirt. "Oh, it's big. But let me make you a little dessert anyway."

And I thought I was doing really well with my weight loss. I'm 3 lbs below my pre-Kevin weight, so that has to count for something. Gotta love the honesty!

Kevin Bathes in the Sink

A Weekend for Healing...

This weekend Kevin and I enjoyed another mother-son weekend. This time, the destination wasn't as exciting! I guess, technically, there was no destination. We stayed home ALL weekend. I haven't opened the front door (or the back one, either) since Chris and Ellie pulled away on Friday afternoon! But I have actually opened some old wounds, spent some time in prayer and found peace in the past.

Chris had planned and cooridinated a trip to Tahoe for one of his clubs. When I came down with the flu on Wednesday, we decided that I should skip the trip. Chris offered to stay to "take care of me", but I quickly sent Ellie and him away! However well-intentioned his offer had been, we all know that I would have likely ended up with 2 more patients by the time the weekend was over. I was still contagious at that point and didn't want to take the risk of infecting either of them! Kevin drew the short straw as I am still nursing him, so I couldn't send him away! He stayed with me in the danger zone all weekend, but so far he is showing no sign of the flu. Thank you, Purell.

I've almost gone through an entire bottle of Purell in just a few days! Which, by the way, some of you might be interested to know that Purell is not a contributing factor to the making of "super bugs" as antibacterial soap is. Apparently, Purell dries too quickly to leave any sludge for the bacteria to mutate in. Yes, I research things way too much. I know. But, now you, too, can use Purell with a guilt-free conscience.

What a great weekend we have had. LOTS of sleeping, though not much during the day. Kevin is still the king of the 30-minute nap. Sometimes he changes things up a bit and takes a longer nap, but not often! I have not been this tired in a very long time. I definitely was not even this tired when I was pregnant!

Kevin and I spent plenty of time playing and smiling at each other. He spent plenty of time spitting up also. It's a really bad habit. Today, I think he must have spit up half of the milk he drank.

More importantly, I thought about many things this weekend. Most of you know about the miscarriage I suffered in July 2006. I was almost 13 weeks pregnant when I found out the baby had died. The baby measured 12.5 weeks and looked perfect to me - fingers, toes, ribs, tummy, ears, etc. But it's heart was not beating. It was a really devastating experience for me.

This weekend, I spent some time thinking about why this had such a tremendous impact on me. I've been through more than my fair share of pain in life, but nothing had ever hit me so hard. I've realized that when this happened, I was finally at a place in life where I felt it was ok to mourn. I felt safe. So, mourn I did. And I think I mourned much more than that lost baby. I mourned all the heartache and hardship from the years passed. I let out all the demons, and I wept for them in those months.

But I haven't thought about those sad months in a long time. I remember during that time, I read some thoughts from another woman who had suffered a miscarriage. She said, "You will never stop wanting that baby back." At the time, I thought, "That doesn't really seem like me. I'm pretty positive and pretty understanding that life is sometimes tough for no reason. But I guess that's just the way it is." And I grabbed onto that quote and thought it must be true. I accepted it.

But it's not true for me. This weekend, I thought about the baby for the first time in a long time. I thought about it objectively, and I realize that the baby probably had serious problems. And if it didnt, then my body wasnt ready or able to carry it at that time, anyway. So, for whatever reason, that baby was not what I needed then.

That being said, I do believe that all babies from conception are loved by God. I loved that baby, too. But today, I love it even more for the sacrafice it made. For whatever reason, that baby and my body got together and decided that they knew better than me. That baby graciously bowed out, and gave room for my precious Kevin to be conceived. I look at Kevin every day and think "what a blessing he is." He is such a joy and brings so much love and delight into my life.

Many of you also know that the doctor who performed the surgery to remove the baby made a terrible error. She permanently damaged and destroyed one of my fallopian tubes. It was an unheard-of mistake. It, too, was devastating to me because it decreased my chances of conception in the future. At least that's the way I used to see it.

Now, I look at Kevin, and I have to see it differently. You see, had the doctor not made that mistake, it is highly unlikely that Kevin would be here today. The month Kevin was conceived, I ovulated from the side with the non-functioning fallopian tube. This means that the egg had to travel to the opposite tube, which I have been told by multiple doctors is extremely rare. So, not to get too much into the biology of it all, but if the doctor had not damaged that exact tube, the egg would not have traveled to the other tube, and therefore, would not have met up with the same sperm. At least it's very, very unlikely that the egg would have traveled there because it would have naturally fallen into the appropriate tube and met with different sperm. So, maybe I would have gotten pregnant that month, but it most likely wouldnt have been with Kevin.

So, tonight as I was fastening the final buttons in Kevin's fire engine, footed PJs, and as we laughed and giggled and stared into each other's eyes, I thought, "Maybe I should write a note to Dr. X to tell her thank you." Her mistake contributed to such a beautiful and perfect life.

I found the quote below in an from an email to family and friends that I wrote on July 19, 2006...

"I'm finally coming around to see that some good things can come from this, but to be honest, I'm still wondering, "why me". I know God has bigger plans than I know and that they are "to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me a hope and a future". With time, I guess this will all unfold into something more beautiful than my lost baby and more precious than my reduced fertility. That's my prayer, anyway."

What an answer to prayer. God certainly has bigger and better plans than I can understand. Only such a loving God can take our mistakes and turn them into a beautiful blessing. I spent a lot time over the last year and a half trying to understand why God lets such terrible things happen. In the back of mind I kept thinking back to the verse I referenced above. I know that God has bigger and better plans and that end result is not to harm me.

In the past, I have been quick to point out that no one ever thanks God when things seem to be going all wrong. And no one ever says, "Well, blame God for that." But now I'm thinking maybe that's because God doesn't cause bad things to happen. Bad things will happen, and God is there to comfort us, to help us through the pain, and to make something better of it in the end. Maybe that something better will be something tangible or maybe it will be something like a changed heart or improved character. Whatever it is, though, God wants to help us when we are in despair, and he wants to heal us. But that's so hard to accept when you're in the depths of pain.

But today, I am at the happiest point in my life. And from this mountain top, I can see the beauty of faith. Had I spent less time questioning God's plans, I would have suffered much less pain in the valley. Had I been more faithful, I would have had much more energy to love every day.

Isn't that what's life's all about anyway. Taking things as they come. Finding joy in the little things. Loving those you are fortunate enough to have in your life and being thankful for those who you were blessed enough to know. Being grateful for all those things we don't understand and being hopeful for the joys and blessings that are yet to come.

So, thank you God for loving me despite my lack of faith and for having bigger and better plans.

And thank you Dr. X for my precious baby boy.

Kevin Update

A few weeks ago, Kevin crawled to me for the first time. Before that, he only crawled to his toys.

He now loves to eat bananas, pears, and sweet potatoes! Today, I was thawing his pears and smashing it up with a fork. I think he recognized the bowl I was using as his bowl. When he saw what I was doing, he got very excited. To test him, I put the bowl down in the kitchen and walked toward the couch. He immediately began to cry and complain! So, I put him in the high chair and began feeding him. Then, of course, he was happy again!!

He has also begun to really complain when we take away things that he is playing with. Usually, if we take something away, it is because he has found the one small object on the floor or the cords under the table. He's very quick these days! He is trying so hard to crawl on his hands and knees. He rocks and rocks and can move one leg at a time, but he hasn't figured out how to move his arms in conjuction with his legs!

His hair is still looking very strawberry under most lights. Do you like his new hair-do??

Visit from Rob

Our friend Rob visited us last week. It was a crazy week with lots of fun times. We rode the Caltrain into the city and toured the piers. We had brunch with friends and toured the campus. Rob visited a few of Chris's classes, and any of you who know Rob can be certain that he visited the work-out facilities! Chris also brought Rob to several silly college theme parties! It was really great reminiscing of the many times we had in undergrad!

Not Exactly Politcally Correct!

This is Ellie's stuffed animal, formerly known as "Baby Elephant". After meeting the baby of one of my friends, who has a much more olive complextion than her paley, white immediate family, Ellie has affectionaly re-named her Elephant "Dark Skin". This is a picture of Dark Skin eating his dinner.

As we waited in the Caltrain station last week, Ellie also pointed out that a man sitting in the room was "funny looking". He had bags around him, dreadlocks, and was rocking back and forth. He was obviously homeless. Ellie went on and on about how silly he was - very loudly. Needless to say, we talked about it and hopefully she will be quieter about her observations next time.

These examples, along with her noting that Daddy has lost his hair, demonstrate to me that Ellie is really becoming aware of the differences among people. I guess this is a learning process and just the beginning of many embarassing moments to come!

Hidden Villa Farm

Last week, we went to Hidden Villa Farm with many friends! I can't say enough about the fun we had. Ellie was so happy and so well behaved. Kevin never made a peep, and seemed to enjoy watching the big kids run around.

Daddy, why did you lose all your hair?

Ellie: Daddy, why did you lose all your hair down the drain?
Daddy: What do you mean Ellie?
Ellie: You used to have lots of hair, and now you don't. Where did it go?

Kevin Eats

Does anyone else think he is as cute as I do?!?!

Kevin's First Meal

I think he knows what's coming!



We started with rice cereal, and he loves it! Now, if we could only get him to sleep at night!!

So What Does Ellie Do During Quiet Time?

Ellie has given up naps, but she still has 1.5 to 2 hours of quiet time every day. What does she do during that time?? She loves to listen to her "listening books" (aka read along stories). Disney read alongs are some of her favorites right now - Lion King, Bambi, Dumbo, 101 Dalmations, and of course, Princess stories.

This is how Ellie emerged from quiet time one day this week. She loves to pick out all kinds of fun combinations of outfits. And as you can see, she has learned to pose (but I'm not sure where she learned this skill)!!

She is also eating the biggest lollipop she'd ever seen (sent from Grandma)!

Like Mother, Like Daughter...

I wonder where she gets this from!?!?

Trip to San Francisco!

We went to the city with some friends last weekend. We rented adjoining hotel rooms and wandered around the city in the rain. It was crazy and fun at the same time! Four kids with no rain coats - we're lucky no one got really sick!! Actually, now that I think about, most of us have colds now, but I dont think it is related!

We also had very nice breakfast with our friends and Grandpa Carter. What a great surprise to see him on this last-minute trip to the city!

Baby shampoo study raises chemical concerns

I read about this more than 3 years ago - before Ellie was born. I decided it was too much to worry about, especially since the websites I read about this weren't really "mainstream". I did decide to avoid baby lotion and anything else that is might contribute to additional unnecessary "chemical exposure", but I didnt do much else about it.

The baby shampoo concern is with phthalates that are added to the shampoos, primarily through fragrances and plastics. Phthalates are believed to cause harm to the reproductive system of children.

I had also read about the BPA in bottles and sippy cups long ago. Again, I decided not to really worry about it was really only discussed on "natural" websites. But now that all this stuff is in the mainstream, I'm wishing I had taken it more seriously before. So, I'm starting first with a post about baby shampoos. In a few days or weeks, I'll post more about the BPA-free bottles and sippy cups.

If you want more info or to see more of the helpful links I've found, please let me know! I'll be happy to pass them along. In trying to keep it simple, I've listed a few easy-to-find shampoos that are safer(er).

FROM MSNBC.COM
Baby shampoo study raises chemical concerns
Phthalates found in urine of infants after they were powdered or lotioned
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22979800/

What are doctors saying about this...
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22999573/


AVOID THIS SHAMPOO...

• Johnson & Johnson Johnson’s Head-to-Toe Baby Wash
• any products with parabens in the ingredient list (phthalates are not listed, however)
• any products with tea tree oil or lavender (especially for boys, these ingredients act as estrogens and may cause breast buds in boys http://www.nih.gov/news/pr/jan2007/niehs-31.htm)

USE THESE SHAMPOOS...

• Huggies Baby Wash, Extra Sensitive, Fragrance Free baby shampoo
• Huggies Tear Free Baby Shampoo, Extra Sensitive
• California Baby Shampoo & Bodywash (highly recommended and sold at Whole Foods)

I have to say one more thing about this. For the most part, these chemicals are not required to make the products we use. Companies choose to continue to use them, but if we do not continue to support their products, maybe that will begin to change.